i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
