You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.