i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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