That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.