What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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