if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.