Yo dont text me then not text me
babies were throwing up all over the place
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
