I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work