Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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