Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
