This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
