there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
