just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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