I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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