Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
