I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ketchup is God's man juice
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
