I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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