He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
