"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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