1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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