Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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