I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
