I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
