last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
