i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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