I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
