I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
