This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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