my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
