That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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