I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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