some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
