in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
