NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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