It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
