1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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