yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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