You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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