i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?