I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..