I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.