I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son