I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
