but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life