It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back