apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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