So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....