I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.