...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood