We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god