She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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