When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy