I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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