Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
