i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
