my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
