Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
