WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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