another moral hangover. fuck.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
