We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
