Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
