I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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