Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
