ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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