The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
