ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
