I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My vagina just recognized that song.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
