I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
