oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
