last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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