Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
