so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
