oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
