remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
