Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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