Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
