u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Lo siento on account of my penis...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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