I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize