she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
