Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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