i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
