i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
