I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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