My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
