is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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