Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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