Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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